Eyes wide crazy

I love what Dick Cheney's done with September 11. He's come a long way. Lemme see if I've got it right: President Obama will be to blame for a future terrorist attack if he doesn't follow the Cheney playbook religiously. But before anyone even thought to blame the administration that was in power ON September 11, 2001, Cheney's minions found a way to blame that attack on the PREVIOUS president. So Cheney and his li'l buddy deserve credit for every day there wasn't another attack, but no blame for the day there was an attack, and President Obama would deserve blame if there were an attack tomorrow, even though he's been president for fewer days than Cheney was president as of September 11.

I say a second attack would be Cheney's fault, and not for all the logical reasons related to how the previous administration alienated fundamentalists even further. No, I bet somewhere out there, a terrorist is about to go rogue just to shut Cheney up. I'm American, and I can barely stand to hear him speak.

Priorities, people

Twit:

Pleased Congress passed bill permitting loaded firearms in nat’l parks & wildlife refuges, as subject to state law.

Yes, I think we're all pleased that the House and Senate took time out of their day to worry about this issue. My favorite part:

The provision was included in legislation placing new restrictions on the way in which credit card companies deal with consumers.

I love my country.

This probably should have stayed a draft

If you read many sites/blogs with comments, you've probably been exposed to the 'first' phenomenon. There are commenters on your more popular sites (and by more popular, I mean more popular than this one, anyway) who take great joy in leaving a comment that notes that they are the first to comment. Often, that's all the comment says. And often, the comment is not in fact the first comment. There were no comments when the commenter started writing 'First!' but somehow, in what little time it took to click OK or whatever, someone else with something more substantial to say snuck in there.

Some of us readers find this phenomenon infuriating. Over at the Onion A/V Club site, not only is a not-first first (or 'firstie') mocked, there's a meme going on where anyone who succeeds or fails at firsties is wished a combination of cancer and AIDS. One commenter there started his own parodic blog devoted solely to his travails as a firstie. Point being, unlike everything else that makes me crazy beyond all reasonable proportion, I'm not alone on this one. But I was just wondering, after seeing a firstie on Joe Posnanski's awesome-beyond-all-reasonable-expectations blog, why. Why do I hate firsties so much?

Then I figured it out. Firsties are like climbing a mountain (in my case, a small mountain) and reaching the summit and as you prepare to take in the view, you see some jackass has written 'First!' with white spray paint on a rock. It's not clear what benefit the jerkweed got from doing it, but everyone else who utilizes the site (or mountain) is going to be at least a little bit annoyed by it.

Now I can move on to more pressing issues, like why the people in front of me walk so slowly during rush hour. I mean, it's called 'rush hour,' you know?

What does that even mean?

Late on this one, but too good to pass up. The president said last week that he'd like Justice Souter's replacement on the U.S. Supreme Court to be capable of empathy. Michael Steele, the RNC chairman and my first choice to entertain at my kid's birthday party, went on the radio to respond:

Crazy nonsense empathetic! I'll give you empathy. Empathize right on your behind. Craziness!

Now, lest you accuse me of taking the quote out of context, allow me to assure you that I would LOVE to see the rest of what he said. I am seriously considering quitting my job and following this guy around, because I think he's just getting to the really good stuff now, and I think it's gonna bring all the thrill of a volcanic eruption without any of that pesky ash.

But -- and maybe this is because I'm taking a break from rewatching The Wire and am in the middle of season 1 of The West Wing -- doesn't talking to the public about the president like that make Steele what my dad would call "a total dink"? I don't know, probably there were Democrat politicians and officials who said worse about the last president; I don't want to make it sound like that party's gonna wear white at its wedding. But "Empathize right on [President Obama's] behind"? Is that really necessary? Can we have Leo go talk to him?

The only other excerpt from the linked story: "I don't need some justice up there feeling bad for my opponent because of their life circumstances or their condition and shortchanging me and my opportunity to get fair treatment under the law."

If that doesn't sum up the Republican party right now ... well, wait five minutes, and someone else will, in even more hysterical fashion.

From the twit

Yet ANOTHER ethics complaint filed & dismissed! Unfair to AKns that state dollars are wasted dealing w/these malicious complaints...

Agreed. Of course, if you'd just admit to all the crap you did, people could stop charging you with stuff you didn't. And chin up: So many of those state dollars come from other states' pockets, it's like free entertainment.

Sourcing

I mean, she's a journalism major, right? At like, five different colleges? That's plenty of exposure to the fundamentals. So why would she use her tweet ...

Outraged Obama's budget includes major cuts to missile defense programs, when N. Korea refuses to abide by UN regs.http://tinyurl.com/c56xyh

... to link to a CNN story that concludes by noting that she wants money for it? Also, when she's all crazed, marking up which parts of the stimulus package she's willing to accept and which parts she isn't and which parts don't, technically, exist but, in her expert opinion, should, do her advisors just glance at each other uncomfortably, like Hitler's in his last days in the bunker, or are they egging her on like Tiny Elvis's coterie?

I can’t emphasize enough how important it is that we continue to develop and perfect the global missile defense network. Alaska’s strategic location and the system in place here have proven invaluable in defending the nation….

Is that like when Bush supporters point out that we haven't been attacked since Sept. 11, all smug as if they just proved something? If someone can point me to evidence as to precisely how Alaska's proven 'invaluable,' that'd be great. I'm not saying we wouldn't retaliate if North Korea sent missiles at Alaska, but if Ol' Crazysides keeps yapping, wouldn't we at least want to think about it?

Also, I'm not saying the 'cuts' are non-existent, like when Obama was panned by the right a month ago for 'cutting' defense when, in fact, he just wasn't increasing the defense budget as much as the 'nuts would have liked. I'm merely saying that when I google 'obama cuts missile defense,' the only links I get are right-wing crazy sites and the CNN piece. Which is ironic, since when it comes to Alaska, Sarah Palin is a socialist.

Oh, wait, I found the press release, and I think the CNN story left out the best part:

Today, the Defense Department said it wants to study the merits of ground based missile defense before it commits to an expansion at Fort Greely. This is absolutely the wrong message to send to our adversaries.

This is art, people. Are you even appreciating it while she's still alive? Maybe we can divert the missile money to the National Endowment for the Arts so she can get the showing she deserves. Although anyone in North Korea doing a Web search for 'obama cuts missile defense' is already getting 'absolutely the wrong message.'

Better use a lifeline

Straight from the twit's mouth:

Due to intense spring floods, I've declared a disaster for Interior AK; this opens doors for govt agencies to better assist AKns in need.

Are you sure? I bet there're all sorts of strings attached. I bet the damn government's gonna want you to use that disaster money to, oh, I don't know, handle the disaster. YOU GONNA LET THEM TELL YOU WHAT TO DO WITH THEIR MONEY?!?!?

Who's got a link to one of those maps that shows how Alaska and other 'red states' get the most federal aid per tax dollar, and the blue states pay for it?

Another Beatles scoop

Our second this week! Man, if people were actually reading this blog, we'd be famous.

Anyway, the internet is bemoaning the news that guitar controllers for the Beatles' Rock Band entry will be sold separately, reportedly at $99 each for John's Rickenbacker and George's Gretsch. They believe the $250 entitles them to more than just the game, Paul's Hofner, Ringo's drums, and a mic stand.

But if you go to the game's home page ... I don't know. That looks like John's Epiphone Casino to me. Wouldn't that mean it's in the bundle as well?

Straight from the twit's mouth

I stand by grave concerns fed pkge prohibits opportunities for AK to develop, eg. require AK to adopt new energy codes to accept more funds.

Dear Sarah

Good to hear from you. I'm really enjoying this new phase of your madness. Before, we were at the mercy of the media to hear more crazy. It was very frustrating, relying on the media! Although hey, who'm I tellin', right?

Yeah, so the rest of the people who aren't crazy asked me to try to explain this to you. I said "Hey! I don't speak Stupid!" But they insisted I was the man for the job. So here we are.

OK. I understand your grave concerns, and your standing by them. I think we should all stand by our grave concerns. If we do not stand by our grave concerns, well, where do we stand? Am I right? I honestly can't tell. Anyway, from what I can make out, you are still having trouble with this whole federal stimulus thing. It's funny, I remember some Southern governor going through this. He wanted to do the same thing you're trying to do now: accept only part of the stimulus allotment for your state. I remember the president saying it wasn't going to work that way. It was in the papers and everything. I guess you no longer read "Oh, all of them." Because now you're pulling the same stunt, saying you don't want the funds for the state energy office.

Oh, sorry about linking to the Times there. Don't worry, looks like they won't be around much longer anyway. The media, huh? Can't live with 'em, can't live without 'em:



Yeah, so anyway, you're saying you want the stimulus money you want, but not the stimulus money you don't want. Or something. No, wait, I know. You're saying you don't want the energy money because you don't want to strengthen your building code, because ... uh, because it's not in Alaskans' common or individual interests of ... um ...

You know what? Fuck it. I got no idea what your problem is. You make no sense. I've been trying to treat you with kid gloves here, like a mentally disturbed person who somehow got hold of a gun (get it?), but I gotta come clean here, you're all over the road. You're a freak, and most of what you do is geared to framing yourself as some sort of right-wing hero. I mean, the Democrat president wants to give you money, for fuck's sake, and you're turning it down. Face it: You're a contrarian wack job.

But lemme try to explain this to you: You can take the money. You can turn down the money. You cannot take some of the money. You should not take the money and bitch about it. That'd just be bad form. But what you absolutely cannot do without looking like a complete idiot is take the money and bitch about the giver of the money mandating that you adopt a new building code if you want even MORE money!!!! I mean, you might've heard, there's a recession or something going on. People are hurting. Remember how mad they were about their money going toward banker bonuses? It was kind of a big deal, here in America. They don't really want to hear about your not liking what few conditions are attached to your taking their money.

Also, they want to know if you've returned the clothes yet.

And I don't think it's meant as a euphemism for 'condom,' either

On twitter, our girl announces an initiative that she supports "... to protect (Alaska's) daughters ... ." The link she offers is to an Anchorage Daily News story about the initiative, which "make[s] it illegal for teenagers to get an abortion without telling their parents."

I've long come to terms with the fact that Sarah Palin and I speak very different breeds of English, and so I ask the following question completely devoid of snark: From who or what would this initiative 'protect' Alaskan teen girls?

Beatles, for sale (again)

Haven't seen this anywhere. Just noticed that the remasters are up on amazon.com. I had been wondering where they'd be priced.

Prices:

Please Please Me: $13.99
With the Beatles: $14.99
A Hard Day's Night: $13.99
For Sale: $13.99
Help!: $13.99
Rubber Soul: $13.99
Revolver: $13.99
Sgt. Pepper: $13.99
Magical Mystery Tour: $13.99
White Album: $19.99
Yellow Submarine: $14.99
Let It Be: $13.99
Abbey Road: $13.99
Past Masters (33 tracks): $22.99

Box sets don't seem to be listed.

Who has a guess as to why Yellow Submarine and With the Beatles are a buck extra?

More Palin please!

Oh, yay! She's got a twitter feed! You'd think she's got someone writing this stuff for her, but here is her first post ...

This is my official Twitter feed - from here I’ll provide updates on issues concerning Alaskans. Learn more about AK at www.alaska.gov.

So we're establishing that the purpose of the feed is to write about issues concerning Alaskans. Because, you know, she's the governor. Of Alaska. Remember?

So yeah, a feed by an Alaskan, for Alaskans. But then her very next post ...

AP gravely misquoted my staff, saying I 'changed my mind' on the stimulus package. For accurate info, go to http://tinyurl.com/c7v84t.

Contradicting one sentence with her very next sentence? It's her! It's really her! Whew! Baby, you had us worried there! I thought maybe this would really be about Alaskan issues, and not just a chance to put more of your 2012-focused nonsense out there! Thanks for always being there for us, Sarah Palin. Even if 'there' is in outer space.

On Connecticut State Senate Bill 349

SB 349 would change possession of small amounts of marijuana from a misdemeanor (punishable by jail time) to an infraction, which would be merely ticketed.

I followed some link and sent my state senator, Toni Boucher, an e-mail asking her to support SB 349, which has passed the senate's Joint Committee on Judiciary. Senator Boucher wrote back and relayed her testimony before the Committee against the bill.

What follows is my response to her, on which I CC'd Governor Jodi Rell.

Toni

Thanks very much for writing back. I respect that your views differ from mine. It's why I voted for the other guy in November. But the way I understand it, you represent me nonetheless. So I hope you will not impose your own views on the state, but rather aim to represent the majority's will. You might know that a Quinnipiac University poll this year indicated that 58 percent of Connecticut voters favor SB 349.

It would be even better if I could sway you by illustrating where your thinking is, in my opinion, misguided. Since you were kind enough to relay your views to me, I offer the following rebuttals.

You cited a couple, many years ago, who lost their son to drugs. You do not say that the drug on which the son overdosed was marijuana, and I imagine that's because it wasn't the drug on which he overdosed. To my knowledge, marijuana has never killed anyone. This, of course, is not true of alcohol or tobacco, two legal substances. In fact, you call marijuana a gateway drug, and say it was identified by the parents as "the real killer," which again I assume is merely evidence that it was not the real killer. Perhaps you also favor illegalization of alcohol and tobacco, as any 15-year-old can tell you that these are the gateways to marijuana use. Most people against marijuana legalization don't favor outlawing cigarettes and alcohol, and therefore are guilty of hypocrisy. Perhaps you are the exception; I have not researched your views. But the state of Connecticut has not outlawed alcohol or tobacco; it instead has satisfied itself with laws governing the two substances' use.

The same should be true for marijuana. It is not physically addicting, the way tobacco and alcohol are, and so there is no evidence that there would be health issues -- especially where marijuana is potent enough to deliver its effects with minimal substance ingestion. If one could feel the effects one desired from as little alcohol or tobacco, there would be no health issues with those substances either. I'm afraid any studies you cite are going to be of extremely limited value; most are conducted or sanctioned by the federal government, which outlaws marijuana in the first place, and what few remain relied on government-supplied marijuana, which of course is not representative of the many strains available to users. Have the studies looked at both indica and sativa strains? For what other variables have these supposedly scientific studies accounted? I also find that critics draw highly spurious conclusions from these studies, like the 40 percent statistic you cite. If marijuana increased the risk of developing mental disorders by 40 percent, there would be a great many college graduates with mental disorders in this country. Assuming relationships to be causative is a fallacy that extends far beyond drug studies, but it certainly is a popular one among anti-marijuana lawmakers.

There absolutely are people who have other issues -- motivational, organizational, social -- related to their marijuana use. Marijuana does not cause these issues. It sometimes enables them. A shut-in who doesn't answer the door because he's high would be a shut-in without marijuana. And he likely would seek some other substance instead -- doubtlessly a more dangerous substance, since marijuana is the least dangerous of illicit substances. Rather than trotting out a story of a couple, many years ago, who lost their son to some other substance, I suggest you talk to more marijuana users. You can find many of them achieving at the highest levels of our country -- although some are not free to admit their use, thanks to stigma of the drug's illegal status -- as well as working at the nearest Burger King. Talk to former users, too, including those who say their lives were miserable while they used. Many of them will tell you that they came to realize that the drug made it easier for them to avoid working out the issues that challenged them, but that in most cases, when they stopped smoking, they still needed to work out those issues. And while you're talking to them, see if those serious and costly long-term health effects you presage have come to pass. I also would love to the the sourcing for much of what you cited in your testimony to the Joint Committee. Sixty percent of Connecticut drug treatment center admissions are for marijuana addiction? I'd love to hear more about that.

You worry that SB 349 will overturn decades of progress "combat[ing]" marijuana use. How are you measuring that progress? Is progress combating measured in arrests? In prison sentences? This kind of "progress" is easy to achieve. Do lower percentages of the population use marijuana? Impossible to measure, of course, since respondents would need to admit to lawbreaking. But anecdotally, I can tell you there has not been significant progress of anything. I can direct you to any number of peers who use habitually, and others who did for years before stopping. They are not in hospice care, or mental wards. If you are against adults' being legally allowed to smoke marijuana, I assume you are not aware which of your friends and family are smokers (although if you did know, I imagine you would prefer they be ticketed for marijuana use, and not put into the criminal system). I urge you, for the purposes of researching this issue, to widen your circle. And the percentages of college kids who smoke marijuana today will not be appreciably lower (if, in fact, they're not higher) than they were 20 years ago when I was in college. So I wonder what kind of progress you had in mind.

I would like to give you the benefit of the doubt regarding the statistics and purported evidence you cited in your testimony. But it is not easy. It reads like the boilerplate claims I've seen elsewhere so many times from other lawmakers who were closed on the issue. These "facts" fit their argument, and these were the "facts" they were sticking with. I hope you will consider it your responsibility to seek out the other side of the story. I suspect it would lead you to question some of the "evidence" that seems so compelling to you now. I believe you owe it to yourself, and I am certain you owe it to me and the rest of your constituents.

Yer pal
troy

No, seriously -- shut the @&#^ up

She's baaaaack!

"I find it interesting that it was back in the 1970s that the swine flu broke out then under another Democrat president Jimmy Carter," said Bachmann. "And I'm not blaming this on President Obama, I just think it's an interesting coincidence."

Note that her sentence construction is starting to resemble our girl's; "... back in the 1970s that the swine flu broke out then ..."? Even? Also, it might not surprise you to learn she's wrong. I don't think that's an interesting coincidence.

Ranking the monsters of rock my damn self

I came kind of late to rock. I remember bringing in a cassette to fifth-grade art class and playing a song on it for the whole class in one of those school cassette players you remember if you went to elementary school in the '70s. Why art class? And why did the teacher let me? I suspect the answer to each question is the same: She hated me. The song was 'Stairway to Heaven.' I don't really remember anyone in class thanking me for showing them the light. I do remember my ears turning red, so red I didn't need a mirror to see it.

This glorious debut had a couple of follow-ups. In sixth grade, I found my Dad's 'The Best of Bread' cassette, with the song 'Freedom.' I didn't get mocked too much for playing it at recess. No, I got mocked more for playing the tape on this candy apple-red 'portable' stereo that was like a Walkman, except I insisted on bringing in the speakers that came with it. A little unwieldy. In seventh grade, when we had to do a project for The Fellowship of the Ring, I went to my guitar teacher's basement, where he had a four-track and makeshift studio, and wrote and recorded a song called "The Road Leads to Nowhere." I still don't get why that wasn't a good idea, although I do still remember everyone laughing at me so hard, I slammed the door shut on my finger running out of there. Hurt like hell, too.

By the end of high school, I was listening to Metallica and Celtic Frost and M.O.D. and S.O.D., so I'd more or less caught up, having already found Rush, AC/DC, Zeppelin, and of course the Beatles. I pretty much stopped listening to all of the classic rock bands except the Beatles at one point or another, although Zep and the Police certainly got airings from time to time, but recently, I've been filling in the gaps in my collection. Last month, I downloaded my favorite Cheap Trick. A couple of nights ago, I found some free Kinks on emusic. And I was thinking of how the Kinks had aged, and that got me thinking about how I perceived the bands back when I was a teenager and how I perceive them all now. Of course, if I want to post about it, I have to rank them. So here's one man's thoughts, in reverse order of how much I want to listen to them today:

16. Kiss

Never liked 'em.

15. Black Sabbath
Then: Seemed a little scary. I mean, even when I was listening to Celtic Frost and looking for the scariest metal I could find, I was a little afraid to check out Sabbath.
Now: Well, of course I eventually checked them out, and they're still a little scary; Ozzy would scare me if he were a temp working for me. I find that I really like what I really like by them, but they don't go as deep (in terms of quantity of quality songs) as I would like.
Songs I still like: Supernaut; Fairies Wear Boots

14. Yes
Then: I liked these guys. The musicianship was impressive, and I have a prog side to me. I liked 90215.
Now: Seem a little silly.
Songs I still like: I thought I liked "I'm Running" off Big Generator, but it turns out not so much.

13. The Kinks
Then: Seemed like a kind of generic classic rock band. I liked them OK, liked some of their songs a lot.
Now: I still admire the songwriting, but the music hasn't really aged well at all; it sounds very dated now. Don't like the arrangement, don't like the production. And that tends to make Ray Davies sound silly, even on a potentially good song like 'Living on a Thin Line.' Dave Davies is woefully underrated though.
Songs I still like: Tired of Waiting for You

12. Queen
Then: Wasn't interested.
Now: I admire the musicianship, and the production was good. And you've got to give it up for the ambition of Freddie Mercury. Most songs don't really resonate for me, though.
Songs I still like: Under Pressure

11. The Who
Then: Liked 'em fine. I really liked some of their songs a lot. I owned tapes of theirs, although you kind of had to back then. I remember really loving "Athena."
Now: They're definitely passe, and I can mock a Who fan as well as the next guy, but I suspect I'm due for a renaissance with them, where I'll pick up some of their hits. But my strongest feeling about them is that they had no heart.
Songs I still like: The Seeker (helped by its appearance in 'American Beauty'), and I guess Join Together and Who Are You.

10. The Doors
Then: See The Kinks. I liked some of what they did a lot, though. But overall, they weren't anything special.
Now: I came to be a big fan in college, bought all the discs, and when they were on, they were on. But I don't have anything by them now, and don't plan to.
Songs I still like: Peace Frog; Soft Parade

9. Cheap Trick
Then: See The Kinks. Liked them well enough.
Now: I really like their best songs. They really influenced the distorted-guitars brand of power-pop that I love, bands like Sloan. They just don't go all that deep. I've come to want to be entertained for every second of a song. I don't want it to take two minutes to warm up. I don't want it to go on one verse and chorus too long. And I don't want a pedestrian rock song. I kind of feel like too many of Cheap Trick's songs fit that last category; I only bought four of their tracks. In their favor, they aged great, especially if you like "Tonight It's You," from their '80s resurgence, which I do.
Songs I still like: Dream Police; Surrender; I Want You to Want Me; Tonight It's You

8. Rush
Then: Had to respect the greatness in the writing, and the proficiency of all three guys, but I found some of their stuff a little goofy, like Yes's. I mean, 2112 and 'The Trees' were a little silly, right? Or was I missing something?
Now: I really like the songwriting, which turns out to have been a big influence on my own, especially their '80s hits. But the production sounds a little too '80s. The 'classic' '70s stuff aged better.
Songs I still like: The Big Money; Time Stands Still

7. AC/DC
Then: Mostly I just gave props to Back in Black, which was a really deep album. I mean, they buried "Rock and Roll Ain't Noise Pollution," you know?
Now: I later came to love the Bon Scott stuff, but after a while, a lot of it sounds a little pedestrian, bar band, and formulaic. I have all the Bon Scott stuff, but only because I got it free off Napster eight years ago.
Songs I still like: Rock and Roll Ain't Noise Pollution; Highway to Hell; half of Powerage

6. Pink Floyd
Then: I was a huge fan of the "Wish You Were Here" album and selected stuff off The Dark Side of the Moon, and LOVED "Comfortably Numb" and "Hey You." But I only listened to what I heard on the radio.
Now: I guess they're kind of a band I'm keeping in reserve, that I can always get more into someday when I've got no one else to listen to. But I wouldn't mind getting my hands on "Wish You Were Here" again. Not really into the Syd Barrett stuff, or the The Division Bell era.
Songs I still like: Breathe; Shine On You Crazy Diamond

5. Van Halen
Then: I mean, any teenage guitar student is going to be into Van Halen. The first song I ever was taught to play was "Dance the Night Away," which I don't know why, because I'd never heard it at that point; my teacher chose it, probably because it wasn't hard. I eventually got into all of it, especially lesser known stuff like Van Halen II and Women and Children First.
Now: They lost me when Sammy came aboard. I still like the old stuff that got second-tier radio play, but only have it from Napster, and don't listen very often. Still sound great though; it's usually the writing that damns the weaker Halen.
Songs I still like: Little Guitars; Beautiful Girls

4. The Rolling Stones
Then: I mean, I knew they were bigger than The Kinks, but I wasn't much more impressed with them than I was with The Kinks. You know?
Now: I admire their oeuvre and everything, but after hearing everything I needed to hear 100 times, well, that was enough. When people say they like the Stones better than the Beatles, I get confused, and tilt my head, the way a dog will look at you.
Songs I still like: Gimme Shelter; The Last Time; Miss You; Only Rock 'n Roll

3. The Police
Then: One of the first albums I ever got was "Synchronicity." I really didn't hear any of the early non-radio stuff until college ...
Now: ... when I got really into it. Great songwriters, and great players, and it still holds up today. They wrote more songs that I like than a lot of other bands, but not everything they did was up my alley.
Songs I still like: Can't Stand Losing You; Next to You; Don't Stand So Close To me; Driven to Tears; Every Little Thing She Does Is Magic; Does Everyone Stare; On Any Other Day; Synchronicity I

2. Led Zeppelin
Then: Maybe my first love. The Beatles, I had those stupid Red and Blue albums, and you really miss out on the color that makes the Beatles great if that's all you're hearing -- no "And Your Bird Can Sing," and "For Sale" is just woefully underrepresented. On the other hand, I had the first five Zeppelin records in high school, and thought they were the balls; I listened to Houses of the Holy every night when I went to bed for like two years.
Now: More than anyone else above them on this list, they stand up. Still sounds great to me, although I know they've been remastered. The songs were just excellent, and diverse for classic hard rock.
Songs I still like: Immigrant Song; Celebration Day; Since I've Been Loving You; Battle of Evermore; Misty Mountain Hop; Song Remains the Same; Rain Song; Over the Hills and Far Away; Custard Pie; The Rover; In My Time of Dying; this is getting a little ridiculous, isn't it?

1. The Beatles
Then: I knew what I was hearing was amazing in terms of sheer quantity of quality, but I really think you've got to own them to get them. On those two greatest hits records, you got stuff you didn't like (well, I didn't like) like Michelle and In My Life instead of Hey Bulldog and, you know, pretty much anything great from Abbey Road. (I think the White Album choices are awful too.)
Now: Well, I mean, they're the freakin' Beatles, now aren't they?
Songs I still like: Um ...

OK, you may go now

So suddenly, Dick Cheney's got a lot to say:

"What I find disturbing is the extent to which [President Obama] has gone to Europe, for example, and seemed to apologize profusely in Europe, and then to Mexico, and apologize there, and so forth.

“And I think you have to be very careful. The world outside there, both our friends and our foes, will be quick to take advantage of a situation if they think they're dealing with a weak president or one who is not going to stand up and aggressively defend America's interests.

“The United States provides most of the leadership in the world… I don’t think we have much to apologize for.

Well, depends who you mean by 'we.' Me and my friends? Not so much. But 'we' as in Dick Cheney and, well, anybody Dick Cheney might have anything to do with? Let's just say that if he would apologize -- or, you know, wouldn't have done all the messed-up stuff he did -- the current president wouldn't have to.

Cheney said that as long as we're going to start declassifying memos showing what sick twists he and his puppets were, we should also declassify the ones that show that the torture was entirely productive. “And I've now formally asked the CIA to take steps to declassify those memos so we can lay them out there and the American people have a chance to see what we obtained and what we learned and how good the intelligence was, as well as to see this debate over the legal opinions.”

Yes, I think we'd all like to see those. Cheney also knows how we should deal with Central and South America, parts of which, for reasons unkown, also don't like us much lately:

“You have millions of people all across South America who are watching how we respond. And if they see an American president sort of cozying up to somebody like Daniel Ortega or Chavez, I think it's not helpful. I think it sort of sets the wrong standard.”

“I've seen Hugo Chavez in operation before, and Daniel Ortega down in Nicaragua. These are people who operate in our hemisphere, but who don't believe in and aren't supportive of basic fundamental principles and policies that most of us in this hemisphere adhere to.”

“Basically, the position we took in the Bush administration was to ignore it. I think that was the right thing to do.”

"OK, now I'll take some questions. Yes?"
"Uh, yeah, Mr. Former Vice President/Torture King, troy from kinde words here. Can you please cite the evidence of 'ignoring it' being 'the right thing to do'? And I have a follow-up."

“The United States provides most of the leadership in the world. We have for a long time. And I don't think we've got much to apologize for. You can have a debate about that."

Gee, you think? Cheney also said he never got a chance to share his thoughts with Joe Biden, who didn't ask Cheney for his insights. Go figure.

Move over, crazy, there's a new crazy in town

Can this really be her first appearance here on kinde words? I find that hard to believe. Anyway, Sarah Palin's chief competitor for ... um, whatever had this take on the president's recent G20 summit appearance:

I think that there may have been agreements made behind closed doors that we aren’t even aware of, that could be ceding American sovereignty.

Can't he just cede Minnesota? Or Congress? Bachmann continued:

That would be very frightening.

She would know.

I have seen ...

... this black SUV. Up close. From behind.

Sorry to say

I'm still a little afraid of Germany.

Next up: The GOP budget proposal

My favorite NCAA Tournament phrase: "score the ball." I'll also except "score the basketball."

Brush with oldness

Was cutting through town today with my peeps, heading to the library for a pickup, when an SUV stopped in front of me, hazards blinking, on a stretch where there was no way around him. The driver hops out and rushes to open the door behind his seat, and pulls out some books. Meanwhile, an older woman is slowly progressing out of the passenger-side door in front. We're in front of the library, so I interpret what I'm seeing as a guy stopping traffic (i.e., me) so he can let out some old lady to go to the library - even though we're surrounded by parking lots that abut the library; we're in between two right then. So I make a face, just a little impatient face, not the full-on where you throw your arms up in the air at the injustice of it all. And the woman, now coming around the back of the SUV, gives me the dismissive wave, like the wealthy alumni used to give at Rutgers basketball games when a ref made a call against us. The "ah, go bite yourself" wave. You've seen it.

"That's Martha Stewart!" yells my wife. And sure enough, the driver -- chauffeur, actually -- hands the books -- cookbooks -- to the old biddy, and off she ambles to the sushi restaurant across the street. The driver clears out of there quickly; I definitely got a hit of harried off him. I imagine I'm not the first driver he unwillingly annoyed. I hear she's not too popular around here. Probably the black Chevy. She couldn't afford a Lexus? Or an Escalade? Anyway, I guess I'm lucky I escaped without getting a shiv in the ribs.

Fast becoming my new favorite Palin

From TPM:

"So I'm looking around for somebody to pray with, I just need maybe a little help, maybe a little extra," said Palin. "And the McCain campaign, love 'em, you know, there're a lot of people around me, but nobody I could find that I wanted to hold hands with and pray."

Where to start?

1. "Maybe a little help, maybe a little extra"? Just a little? Like, almost? As in maybe, with just a little extra, you're right in that thing?

2. The idea of Sarah Palin thinking God wants her to be VP easily replaces the previous titleholder for Most Ridiculous Example of Someone Thinking God's Pulling For 'Em, which was held by professional athletes for at least 50 years until the 2000 presidential election.

3. Which god do you think Sarah Palin prays to? I like to think it's not my God. Can we wake up Dana Carvey for this? And how about her patron saint? St. Jude? St. Rita of Cascia? St. Dymphna? St. Catherine of Sweden, of course. St. John Chrysostom?

4. Dear Sarah: If we were on a plane, and it was going down, and there was no one else on it, and I was looking for someone to hold hands and pray with, I would look at you, and then I would look out the window, and then I would look at you again, and then I would shrug and say "Fuck it, I guess we're going down." Which is to say, I didn't poll the McCain camp or anything, but I bet the feeling was mutual.

Yer pal
troy

Tony Atlas Shrugged

What would happen if fans stopped attending sporting events, presumably because tickets prices are too high, which is presumably because athletes’ salaries are too high?

And what would happen if the commissioners of the major sports leagues told their athletes they were making too much money, and the salary system was going to change immediately.

What would happen if the athletes went on strike and the team owners, and presumably the fans, refused to budge on the ideal that athletes should not be allowed make millions of dollars more per year than the average worker?

Is that something we’d be interested in?

Because a recent ESPN/Seton Hall University poll proclaimed that the majority of its respondents (40 percent) said that baseball’s biggest problem is players making too much money.

Huh? … What? … Whuh?

Not steroids? Not the prices of tickets? Not the length of ballgames? Not the length of the season? Not the dwindling numbers of African-Americans playing the game? Not the “Viva Viagra” commercials played incessantly on TV to young viewers? Not the fact that the most important games of the season aren’t decided until hours after little kids have gone to bed?

It’s not Bud Selig? It’s not even Jeannie Zelasko?

The biggest problem in our national game — and no, historically and culturally, the American Rugby League (a.k.a., the NFL) is not our national pastime, but that’s a post for another day — is that Manny Ramirez and Alex Rodriguez make too much money??? That Scott Boras is too good of an agent?? That the New York Yankees and the Boston Red Sox and the Los Angeles Dodgers spend too much money on salaries???

Oh sure, millions of people are outraged right now over bailouts and economic nationalism and unseemly bonus money, yadda, yadda, yadda. And, oh boy, was there an outcry from many of these same people when Candidate Obama suggested that people making more than $250,000 per year should pay a larger percentage in taxes than those who are comparatively closer to the poverty line! (Remember those idiotic chain e-mails, supposedly based upon an "actual" classroom exercise by an “actual” high school teacher that likened tax hikes on the wealthy to an entire class automatically getting C’s?)

But you ask these same millions of nimrods if there should be salary caps in sports, they say Yes. Definitely yes! Why? Because it’s “not fair” that large-market teams like the Yankees have a major financial advantage! The playing field, in baseball, is “not level!” I’ve stopped counting how many dummies I know who say they enjoy football more than baseball because the American Rugby League “has parity” and doesn’t allow teams to simply outspend everyone else.

Though, when you look at the past 10 Super Bowl champs …

(Pittsburgh, New York, Indianapolis, Pittsburgh, New England, New England, Tampa Bay, New England, Baltimore, St. Louis)

… And the past 10 World Series champs:

(Philadelphia, Boston, St. Louis, Chicago, Boston, Florida, Anaheim, Arizona, New York, New York)

… I’m not exactly seeing much of a difference in “parity.” If anything, the playing field looks a tiny bit more “level” in baseball, the sport without a salary cap. Just sayin’.

In Atlas Shrugged, Ayn Rand argued that individual achievements (and the financial fruit of that achievement) enable society to thrive, and that, over time, coerced self-sacrifice cheapens and ultimately destroys a society.

Listen to any hard-core football fan (or better yet, Steve Young or Emmitt Smith) long enough, and you'll hear them complain about how the best NFL teams of today can't compare to the old Steelers or Niners or Cowboys juggernauts. Why? The salary cap.

So let Manny and A-Rod get their money if somebody’s willing to pay them. Let the teams from New York and Boston and Los Angeles outspend everyone if they have the resources to do so. Who cares if a left-handed pitcher or a trash-talking wide receiver breaks the bank? Why do you really care?

Or then, let’s not pay the very best athletes a dime more than your average CEO — still a pretty sweet salary, if you ask me — and let them walk off the playing field in disgust. Let them quit.

And then let’s not pay any attention to sports, and let’s start watching a hell of a lot more CSPAN, and let's start paying a lot more attention to how our children do in math class, which probably is something we should’ve been doing all along …

Wow

Duke really still gets all the calls, huh?

I want to make it clear

I am NOT mocking an 18-year-old girl whose single momdom just got a little more firmly entrenched. No, I'm mocking the delusional woman who wrote this, which was released under Bristol Palin's name ...

"Unfortunately, my family has seen many people say and do many things to 'cash in' on the Palin name," she said. "Sometimes that greed clouds good judgment and the truth."

... and thought anyone would be fooled into thinking it wasn't she who wrote it. I understand other right-wingers might write something like this purely for their base, but Sarah Palin really expects you to believe it. Just as soon as you figure out what the hell it means.

Dancing about architecture

So I'm trying to get in on the Animal Collective Madness; the critics are very big on Merriweather Post Pavillion right now. There's a lot to like about it. And I'm getting into the lyrics, which I often ignore, but there's something about the way they juxtapose with the type of music the band is making on this record. I was reading an interview with the dude who sings (and presumably wrote) the first track, In the Flowers, and he's definitely of the school where he doesn't want to get into too much detail, because the words should mean whatever the listener thinks they mean. Anyway, the lyrics to that song fascinate me. Here's one posting I found of them:

A dancer who was high in a field from a moment
Caught my breath on my way home
Couldn’t stop that spinning force
I fell into you
Everything drowns you to giggle
You are up with the flower and I care

So the dancer who gets wild to the deep reveling rhythm
But I am always away for weeks
that pass slow like mind gets lost
Feeling envy for the kid who danced in spite of anything
And we’re out in the flowers and feel better

If I could just leave my body for the night

Then we could be dancing no more missing you while I am gone
Then we could be dancing and you’d smile and say I like this song
And then ours would meet them we will recognize nothing’s wrong
And I wouldn’t feel so selfish I won’t be this way very long
To hold you in time
To hold you in time
To hold you in time
To hold you in time

And we’re dancing, early hours drunken days finally ended
And the streets turn for pillowcase
And I fumble all good lie
Then the ecstasy turns the writhing light through our windowpane
Now I am gone, I left flowers for you there

I'm not convinced these are 100 percent right, not by a long shot; I'm willing to believe they're purposely fragmented and incoherent, kind of in a 'this, not linearly, is how we experience life' way; it's more that I'm saying when I listen to the song with the words in front of me, some of the phrases seem like a reach. But I'm willing to work with them.

So I was talking about the freedom to interpret the lyrics as we please. I don't think I'm going out on a limb to say that the guy sees some kid who's obliviously dancing away, and the singer is feeling a little sorry for himself, because he's lonely and can't forget it, unlike this kid, who surely has worries of his or her own but has seemingly put them behind him for now. And, the way almost anything can, it reminds the singer of his girlfriend or wife, and how much he misses her, and he wishes he could be with her now.

Then we could be dancing no more missing you while I am gone
Then we could be dancing and you’d smile and say I like this song

I love this part, and while obviously "this song" could be whatever song the two of them would be dancing to, I immediately came to think of it as *this* song, In the Flowers. And the way it resonated with me is it made me a little jealous. I've made some music, and I've married a woman with whom I have little in common culturally. She doesn't much like my kind of music, although she is kind about it. So I was a little jealous of the guy, imagining he had married a woman who liked his music, and who wanted to share it with him. I mean, that's why a lot of us started making music. All of us, really, did it to connect with someone, if not someone specific.

Anyway, I was thinking about the song again on the train in this morning, when I realized the singer could mean something else. I mean, he's fantasizing that she's there, dancing with him (and that 'nothing's wrong'). Maybe he's also dreaming about her liking the song. Maybe they don't connect in that way, and that is part of the fantasy too. I'm in the throes of new fandom, so I'm reading everything I can get my hands on about these guys. A couple of reviews of the album have denigrated the lyrics. But I think the lyrics to this song might be perfect.

Dear Jackass

OK, I get it. You've decided not to like David Foster Wallace. Or, seemingly, decided to hate him. It's fine. With me, I mean. For you, it's a loss. Your loss. But I respect your experience: You didn't like Infinite Jest -- felt violated, or felt some trust violated, by its ending, or by its length and the promise you felt went unfulfilled. I mean, sure, he also wrote some excellent essays/reportage. And the short stories. See, even I am not a total Infinite Jest convert; I love the last two books of short stories, and the essays, but didn't absorb or connect with Infinite Jest on my first read through. Of course, in my case, I assume the shortcoming is mine, where you assume it's DFW's. This might be connected to your oth-- the other issue. Let's not call it your other issue. The other issue is that Wallace knew a lot of words, and what they meant, and what they connoted, and in each instance he preferred to use the one he meant. You seem to regard this as a sort of showing off, intellectual braggadocio or something. Well, that's fine too. You don't have to care that other people like the writing. I don't know, maybe you think no one should write about astrophysics, because you don't get that either. Probably you're against the existence of Popular Mechanics. Is Popular Mechanics even around anymore? Well, if it's not, that just proves your point, am I right? Anyway, I also know he has a vocal following, and that can be annoying too. I'm sure it seems quite daring to be in the vanguard of a blacklash against it. You think the footnotes were cutesy. Any or all of the above. It's not important.

So OK, we've established that you hate DFW, even though you've read either very little or none of his work. And seriously, I'm OK with that. How could I not be? You want to seethe over footnotes? Have at it. I just have one favor to ask. Could you please shut the hell up about it? Could you please stop being so proud of it, or of being contrarian, or of whatever impulses have led you to write about it? I don't like Madonna. I don't like tomatoes. I don't like my cousin Mervyn. I also don't write 1,000 words about it. I mean, who would care?

Ranking the Presidents my damn self: Hail to the Chef

Happy March 4th, everyone! In case you forgot, for 148 years, starting with John Adams in 1797, this was the traditional date the Chief Justice would swear into office the President of the United States.

And in case you forgot, we’ve got a new president. And depending on which AM radio stations you’re listening to, his name might be Something Hussein Something. Whatever.

Between Mrs. Tonto’s request that back on Jan. 20th I cook a special Inauguration Day dinner featuring selected items on President Obama's luncheon menu, and CSPAN ranking the presidents from worst (Buchanan) to first (Lincoln), and Ol’ Abe turning 200 a few weeks ago, and Washington turning 277 a couple weekends ago — the White House has been on my mind quite a bit lately.

Not to be outdone by Kimo Sabe’s recent college-campus-quality cyber-lecture about almost everything the Beatles ever burped or coughed …

… Here’s my list of the Presidents of the United States, from worst to first. (Hint: It might or might not seem eerily similar to CSPAN’s. I don’t really know, because I didn’t really read it.)

44. Herbert Hoover (1929-1933)
Probably not the absolute worst president we’ve ever had, but tell that to the Joad family. And residents of Hooverville. And all those who pelted his motorcades with eggs and rotten fruit during the ’32 campaign. The final months of his lame-duck administration were so terrifying we eventually decided March 4 was too long to wait for a new president.

Favorite food: Corned beef hash with tomato sauce.

43. James Garfield (1881)
Got himself shot by some crazy guy inside a D.C. train station barely four months into his term. Lingered for 80 days before dying in his sickbed at the Jersey Shore of a heart attack, which was followed by blood poisoning and bronchial pneumonia. Died with a bullet still in his body because back in 1881, even though we were smart enough to invent a metal detector, we were still too dumb to realize that the brass coils in Garfield’s bed kept setting the damn thing off. Probably would have lived if several doctors hadn’t inserted their unsterilized fingers into the wound to probe for the bullet. Holy crap. This is wayyyy too depressing.

Think about this for a second: What was the quality of life like for the people who weren't president?!?

Favorite food: Bread (Again, just depressing.)

42. Andrew Johnson (1865-1869)
What was Lincoln thinkin? Ol’ Abe received so many death threats before his first inauguration that he snuck into D.C. in the middle of the night. So for his second term, Abe taps Andrew Johnson, a pro-union Southerner who promptly shows up drunk at the inauguration. As luck would have it, Lincoln becomes the first president to get assassinated, Johnson takes over and turns out to be a fervent white supremacist hell-bent on destroying Reconstruction. Oh yeah, and he got impeached.

Favorite food: Spanish-style stuffed eggplant. (Served by a Klansman.)

41. Barack Obama (2009 - present)
Don’t get all upset, kids, I voted for him. In fact, I even stuck one of his campaign signs in my lawn this past October, much to my neighbors' chagrin. But, he’s a president, and that means he’s gotta be on the list, even if my rankings are published a handful of weeks into his term. So that’s why he debuts on the charts a couple notches ahead of the guy who liked bread. It’s only fair. Time to get to work.

Favorite food: Chili.

40. James Buchanan (1857-1861)
A Northerner who sympathized with the South. Failed to avert the Civil War, which is cited by scholars as the single-worst failure by an American president. Despised abolitionists and was believed to be personally involved in the Supreme Court’s Dred Scott decision. Normally ranked last on most lists.

But hey, it could’ve been worse: Pat Buchanan could’ve been president.

Favorite food: Pennsylvania Dutch stuffed shoulder of pork. (Maybe it’s because I didn’t eat lunch today, but this sounds really yummy.)

39. Bill Clinton (1993-2001)
Man, this asshole really had us fooled, didn’t he? And I voted for him TWICE. First term inspired Rush Limbaugh’s and Newt Gingrich’s rise to power. Second term inspired Dubya to defeat the guy who invented the internet. Bubba's presence during the 2008 campaign inspired us to turn against his wife’s presidential bid. In sum, this guy is a horse’s ass.

Favorite food: Chicken enchiladas.

38. Martin Van Buren (1837-1841)
I dunno. He just sounds like a dopey president.

Favorite food: Huguenot torte.

37. Chester Arthur (1881-1885)
Him, too.

Favorite food: Mutton chops.

36. John Tyler (1841-1845)
Him, too.

Favorite food: Sally Lunn. (It’s the name of a teacake. We think. … Hey now!)

35. Rutherford Hayes (1877-1881)
Truly a dope. Stole the election from Sam Tilden and had to take the Oath in private for fear of public rioting at the inauguration.

Favorite Food: Roast Beef.

34. Benjamin Harrison (1889-1893)
Booooorrrrrrrr-ing. ... See his grandfather (No. 6).

Favorite Food: Fish chowder.

33. Franklin Pierce (1853-1857)
Man, in the 19th Century it was pretty much “Lincoln and Jackson and pray for rain,” wasn’t it?

Favorite food: Boiled lobster.

32. James Monroe (1817-1825)
They named a doctrine after him or something. Or maybe I’m simply confusing him with somebody else. (See No. 11.)

Favorite food: Gumbo.

31. Andrew Jackson (1829-1837)
Fell 25 rankings from the last time I did one these polls back in 1978 for the sole reason that I’ve since learned that I had him confused with the guy nicknamed “Stonewall,” which I’m sure we all agree that this is a pretty damned cool nickname whether you’re 7 or 37. “Old Hickory” is OK, I guess. …

Was first president to have his wife accused of past bigamy by the press. (And they were right!)

Was one of our most influential chief execs, but it’s going to take me a while to get over the fact that he’s not “Stonewall.”

Favorite Food: Roast leg of pork.

30. Zachary Taylor (1849-1850)
Got elected because he was a war hero or something.

Favorite food: Crabmeat on shells.

29. Ulysses Grant (1869-1877)
Him, too.

Favorite Food: Roman punch. (What is this? A food? A drink?)

28. Dwight Eisenhower (1953-1961)
Him, too.

Favorite Food: Quail hash. (Tastes like chicken.)

27. Millard Fillmore (1850-1853)
Every time I see his name I think of reading the Sunday funnies as a kid, and there, toward the back with the tire ads was “Mallard Fillmore.” I didn’t really follow it, but I thought Mallard Fillmore was a hilariously funny name. I still chuckle about it.

Favorite food: Roast capon.

26. Richard Nixon (1969-1974)
Honestly, when I watch a TV show or movie that includes someone wearing a Nixon mask while performing a bank robbery, it just makes my week.

Favorite food: Beef Wellington.

25. Warren Harding (1921-1923)
Women and the press loved him. Died of a stroke midway through his term. His administration was the reason why most of us were forced to learn about the Teapot Dome Scandal back in high school History.

Favorite food: Roast filet mignon with sherried mushrooms.

24. George H.W. Bush (1989-1993)
Never really looked at Dan Rather the same way after Poppy got through with him. And we never really looked at Poppy the same way after he wet his pants with excitement over the technological improvements at grocery stores.

Might or might not be true, but it’s entirely possible he hated Dubya’s presidency even more than the rest of us did.

Favorite food: Broiled steak with baked potato.

23. Calvin Coolidge (1923-1929)
A popular, small-government conservative who restored public confidence in the White House. He pretty much was what Reagan fanatics mistakenly believe what Reagan was.

Presidency was tarnished somewhat by the Great Mississippi Flood of 1927 when Coolidge basically reacted in the exact same fashion as What’s-His-Name did after Hurricane Katrina.

Favorite food: Baked beans.

22. William Taft (1909-1913)
The only president to weigh more than 300 pounds. The last president to wear facial hair. Was also the only former president to serve on the Supreme Court.

Favorite food: Lobster Newberg.

21. Gerald Ford (1974-1977)
A vice president and president, and never won an election for either office. Because of this man I can look my slightly-above-average children in the eyes and honestly say, “Yes, play your cards right and be a nice guy and someday you, too, can be President of the United States of America. Or at least play Big Ten football."

Favorite food: Spaghetti and meatballs.

20. James Polk (1845-1849)
Often listed between eighth and 12th in most of these types of rankings. Greatly expanded the geographic size of the country, lowered tariffs, defeated the Mexicans, scared off the British, established a treasury system that lasted for 60 years, and nearly purchased Cuba(!). But I’ll never forgive him for opposing the Wilmont Proviso. Never.

Favorite food: Tennessee ham.

19. William McKinley (1897-1901)
His favorite food was bacon and eggs. This alone will put a man in my Presidential Top 20. Somebody please pass me the toast and jelly!

18. John Quincy Adams (1825-1829)
Took the oath of office on March 4, 1825 with his hand on a book of laws as a symbol of the separation of church and state. Why more presidents don’t do this escapes me. ... Like his old man, served only one term. Like his old man, failed to figure out that you really were not supposed to put political enemies in your Cabinet.

Served in the House after his presidency and is perhaps the only major figure in American history who knew the Founding Fathers and Abraham Lincoln.

Favorite food: Baked codfish pie.

17. Lyndon Johnson (1963-1969)
He tried. He really did.

Favorite food: Chili.

16. Ronald Reagan (1981-1989)
Right man at the right time. Inspired millions of white people to be proud to be Americans again. Does it matter that the Soviet Union would have collapsed even if he weren’t president? Nahhhhhhhh.

Favorite food: Broiled swordfish with lemon butter.

15. John Adams (1797-1801)
That was a nice job by A-Bart’s kid in that HBO miniseries. A NICE job. Almost made us completely forget what a pompous ass Adams was.

Favorite food: Baked salmon.

14. Jimmy Carter (1977-1981)
I don’t care what anyone says, he was wicked smaht.

Favorite food: Brunswick stew with buttermilk biscuits.

13. Woodrow Wilson (1913-1921)
Him, too.

Favorite food: Roast turkey with cornbread stuffing.

12. Harry Truman (1945-1953)
The original Decider. The Japanese never quite looked at us the same way again. He (and we) can thank David McCullough’s 1992 biography for Harry’s rehabilitated modern image.

Favorite food: Tuna noodle casserole.

11. George W. Bush (2001-2009)
The most fanatical of the GOP apologists claim history will vindicate Bush and Cheney just as it exonerated Truman and Marshall. So let’s pretend for a moment that they’re correct. (Scary, huh?)

Favorite food: Tacos.

10. Josiah Bartlett (1999-2007)
His great-grandfather’s great-grandfather was a signer of the Declaration of Independence. An expert economist. Nearly studied to become a priest.

Granted amnesty to illegal immigrants from the Americas, appointed the first Hispanic Supreme Court Justice and first female Chief Justice, negotiated a peace settlement between Israel and Palestine, created millions of new jobs, provided strong support for alternative energy, orchestrated a Social Security reform plan, and dealt with major foreign policy crises in Haiti, Colombia, Bolivia, Equatorial Kundu, India, Pakistan, China, Taiwan, Russia, Iran, Syria, Israel, and Qumar. He got censured. (He got over it). He got shot. (He survived). His youngest daughter got kidnapped. (She was rescued.)

Yeah, I know this was a TV show. But it got me through the Dubya Administration with most of my marbles intact.

Favorite Food: Didn’t like French people, but loved their cuisine, as evidenced by the “Stackhouse Fillibuster” episode.

9. Grover Cleveland (1885-1889 & 1893-1897)
CSPAN ranked him 21st, which probably means he wasn’t all that great and he wasn’t really all that awful. Regarded as a classic liberal, he is the only president to serve two non-consecutive terms. Seriously, even Billary couldn’t pull off that trick. That is greatness, my friends.

Favorite food: Turban of chicken.

8. James Madison (1809-1817)
Our shortest president (5-4) and the Red Coats lit the White House on fire on his watch.

But he spoke fluent Latin. Graduated Princeton in two years. Pretty much wrote the Constitution. And the Bill of Rights. And cranked out a good portion of the Federalist Papers. Plus, Dolly was a total babe. This guy had skills.

Favorite food: Williamsburg pound cake.

7. Franklin Roosevelt (1933-1945)
"He lifted himself from a wheelchair to lift the nation from its knees.”

Generally regarded as a lock at No. 3 on these types of lists. But I’ll say this: Having Hitler, Stalin, and Tojo in his foursome turned out to be an advantage. Who’s not going to come out looking great after 18 holes with those guys? And falling asleep at Yalta – or was it Malta? – was a bad job.

But honestly, name one other candidate who could get re-elected even though most of the country expected him to be dead within six months. That too, my friends, is greatness.

Favorite food: Boiled salmon with egg sauce.

6. William Harrison (1841)
“Old Tippecanoe” croaked 32 days after taking office. Honestly, we could’ve used a few more presidents like him. Seriously.

Favorite food: Roast wild duck.

5. Theodore Roosevelt (1901-1909)
His face is on Mount Rushmore. They named a genre of stuffed animals after him. And that Panama Canal thing worked out pretty well. And until Gov. Palin ascends to the Oval, he remains the last president who knew how to field-dress a moose.

Favorite food: Roast suckling pig. (And I betcha he ate it with his hands!)

4. Thomas Jefferson (1801-1809)
A statesman, architect, archaeologist, horticulturist, inventor, and founder of the University of Virginia.

The tinfoil hats in CSPAN’s poll had TJ listed as seventh. And I know, I know, as a political administrator he had his shortcomings. But gimme a break. Not in the Top 5? He was a thinker – did you READ the Declaration of Independence – not a politician, and he grew to detest the office of the presidency. Honestly, I don’t think his bad mood wasn’t anything modern central-air conditioning could have fixed.

Favorite food: Wine jelly. (Interesting.)

3. John Kennedy (1961-1963)
Big Red Sox fan. And in the early 1960s chicks really dug the long ball, if you know what I mean (wink, wink).

Favorite food: Fish chowder.

2. Abraham Lincoln (1861-1865)
OK, this is how smart ol' Abe was: After he died they scooped out his brain and weighed it. Just to see if it was bigger than everyone else's.

One of America’s great thinkers and writers, he only had about a year’s worth of formal education. He preserved the Union and freed the slaves, and managed to do this with his crazy wife yapping in his ear.

Abraham Lincoln personifies the values of honesty and integrity, as well as respect for human freedom. And his monument is awesome.

Favorite food: Apples. (As in, how do you like them apples? Or something.)

1. George Washington (1789-1797)
As a lad, he admitted to chopping down the cherry tree and he didn’t blame it on the King or the House Democrats or Rush Limbaugh or the Taliban or the Jews. His favorite food was beefsteak and kidney pie – a MAN’S food – and he used wooden teeth to chew it up with gusto.

Washington is the absolute standard all American presidents and military leaders are measured against.

The historians and perfessers usually save this spot for Ol' Abe, the same way classic rock stations rig it so that Stairway is No. 1 in their Fourth of July Weekend “Firecracker 500” programming. So consider this one of those rare years that Teenage Wasteland (Babba O’Reilly) wins.

Or you can consider this: If the father of your country isn’t even ranked No. 1, how great is your country?

Thank you.

You're laughing

... while I'm nodding. Unless the video gets pulled down. In which case, you're cursing, while I'm laughing.

I'm a born lever puller, me

I was just missing London, sort of, where I've been once for pleasure, and for something like seven weeks for business. But I wasn't missing the Eye or Veeraswamy or the chicken wings at the Japanese place near the Sanderson or even walking through St. James Park on my way to the office from one hotel, or how I'd always try to pick a different route to and from the Sanderson from and to the office. I can remember fondly the feeling I got when someone would ask me directions, and I could help them, but I'm not missing that, or even the feeling of heading in from Heathrow (although with all the traffic on the A4, it wasn't anticipation that was the prominent feeling there).

I'm remembering the ride back to Heathrow. More specifically, I'm remembering the moment the car came up on Harrods. I'd gone with the missus on my first visit there, and it was the last landmark I'd recognize on my way out of town, and the last part of town I'd know I was in. Harrods is in Knightsbrige, and then what? Well, Kensington, but I'd never been in much of it, and not on Brompton Road, which is what the car was taking out of the city. Passing Harrods was goodbye to London, and some kind of forlornness related to whether I'd ever return, even when I knew I'd be back three days later. Maybe on those occasions, it had to do with a return to routine back home. Maybe I was thinking of Veeraswamy, subconsciously, but it was more feeling than thinking.

The feeling is of a piece with my feelings about Amsterdam. I've been there three times -- the last two alone, the first with a "friend" with whom I got along so famously, I opted to spend the last half of our week there alone. Amsterdam was my first trip outside North America, and still kind of envelops my prototype feelings about Europe. And when I decided to treat myself to nine days of vacation, by myself, I decided to spend a couple of days in Paris, and 24 hours in Brussels, having never been in either city -- and five days in Amsterdam. Again. And I was lonely there, and I enjoyed it very much. Maybe most, I like going to the Dam, the big open square in front of the Royal Palace, hard by the Nieuwe Kerk. I always go in winter, and I like to go to Dam Square at night. Short of maybe captivity, I think there must be no easier place to feel alone.

This is all somehow related to how I felt when I started The Suffering Channel, the last story in Oblivion, the last book of DFW's that I had yet to read, and realized I would never begin another DFW book or story in a DFW book again, but I'm not a deep enough thinker to put my finger on how.

Anyway, I wish I were in London. I'd like to get about three orders of those wings.

DFW kills me

I'm reading Oblivion, his last collection of short stories, for the first time. Which means you should be jealous, whether you've already read it or not. Just the beginning of Good Old Neon:

My whole life I've been a fraud. I'm not exaggerating. Pretty much all I've ever done all the time is try to create a certain impression of me in other people. Mostly to be liked or admired. It's a little more complicated than that, maybe. But when you come right down to it it's to be liked, loved. Admired, approved of, applauded, whatever. You get the idea. I did well in school, but deep down the whole thing's motive wasn't to learn or improve myself but just to do well, to get good grades and make sports teams and perform well. To have a good transcript or varsity letters to show people. I didn't enjoy it much because I was always scared I wouldn't do well enough. The fear made me work really hard, so I'd always do well and end up getting what I wanted. But then, once I got the best grade or made All City or got Angela Mead to let me put my hand on her breast, I wouldn't feel much of anything except maybe fear that I wouldn't be able to get it again. The next time or next thing I wanted. I remember being down in the rec room in Angela Mead's basement on the couch and having her let me get my hand up under her blouse and not even really feeling the soft aliveness or whatever of her breast because all I was doing was thinking, 'Now I'm the guy that Mead let get to second with her.' Later that seemed so sad. This was in middle school. She was a very big-hearted, quiet, self-contained, thoughtful girl -- she's a veterinarian now, with her own practice -- and I never even really saw her, I couldn't see anything except who I might be in her eyes, this cheerleader and probably number two or three among the most desirable girls in middle school that year. She was much more than that, she was beyond all that adolescent ranking and popularity crap, but I never really let her be or saw her as more, although I put up a very good front as somebody who could have deep conversations and really wanted to know and understand who she was inside.

Just the tip of the iceberg, of course; then of course he goes off in fourteen different dimensions in ways I never could. If you've never read him, add my voice to those of the masses: Go to the Howling Fantods site and read one of the essays or short stories they link to over there and get started.

Next up: finding WMDs in Iraq. Again.

Think Progress said this better than I will, but I wanted to get a record of it here. Rick Santorum, having capped a brilliant career in gay studies with his work showing that homosexuality and bestiality are the same in the eyes of God, has moved on to the comparatively light subject of Islam. After claiming that Americans know too little about the faith:

The Quran is perfect just the way it is, that’s why it is only written in Islamic.

Trust me: In context, it's even weirder. Plus, you wouldn't understand it anyway, unless you speak Jew.

Ranking the Beatles my damn self: the final analysis

The top 12 Beatles songs (subjectively) break down like this:

Magical Mystery Tour: 3 songs
Revolver: 3 songs
Sgt. Pepper: 1 songs
For Sale: 1 song
Past Masters vol. II: 1 song
Abbey Road: 1 song
Rubber Soul: 1 song
The Beatles: 1 song

Obviously, there are issues with the stats; Hey Jude was a single, and so were some of the songs that also were on albums, most notably the songs on Magical Mystery Tour. But we have to work with the data we have.

Let's expand it to the top 25:

Revolver: 5
Abbey Road: 4
The Beatles: 4
Magical Mystery Tour: 3
For Sale: 3
Sgt. Pepper: 2
Past Masters vol. II: 2
Rubber Soul: 1
Help!: 1

Wouldn't have thought Abbey Road would be that well represented. I knew the heavy For Sale representation was coming, but I'm surprised there isn't more from Rubber Soul and Help! Probably worth doing a top 40:

Revolver: 6
Abbey Road: 6
The Beatles: 5
For Sale: 4
Sgt. Pepper: 4
Help!: 4
Magical Mystery Tour: 3
Let It Be: 2
Past Masters vol. II: 2
Rubber Soul: 1
With the Beatles: 1
Yellow Submarine: 1
A Hard Day's Night: 1

Definitely worth noting that there are four more Rubber Soul songs from 41 through 50, which explains a lot. I'm still surprised by Abbey Road, and happy that they went out on top. Help! is more where I expected it, too. But I didn't know Abbey Road would be right there with Revolver. Revolver, I probably knew.

Know what? Let's do down to the point just before where I stop loving songs. That's the top 100, conveniently enough:

White Album: 16
Abbey Road: 12
Sgt. Pepper: 9
Revolver: 8
Past Masters vol. II: 7
Rubber Soul: 7
Magical Mystery Tour: 7
Past Masters vol. I: 6
For Sale: 6
Help!: 5
With the Beatles: 5
Let It Be: 4
A Hard Day's Night: 3
Yellow Submarine: 3
Please Please Me: 2

Thoughts: I bet your list is mostly in that order ... I might have Rubber Soul a little higher than you and Past Masters vol. I, Let It Be, and Please Please Me a little lower ... Most albums flesh out between the top 40 and the top 100 pretty much the same, with the exceptions of the White Album, which explodes; Abbey Road, which continues its dominance; Sgt. Pepper, which I probably rate lower than most (meaning you might have it higher in the top 40, and therefore not growing as much over the next 60 slots); Rubber Soul, which has a real solid great middle; and With the Beatles, which I think I appreciate more than most.

You'll also remember we promised to revisit the songwriter charts. I broke down my bottom half like this:

Paul: 28
John: 26
George: 13
Ringo: 9

Well, here's the top half, unofficial count:

John: 72
Paul: 49
George: 12
Ringo: 0

Not giving Ringo credit for songs John and Paul wrote. I counted these backwards too, and things were pretty even until the end, which means I suspect John dominates the top 25 and 40, if not the top 10. Let's find out:

Top 40
John: 28
Paul: 10
George: 2

Top 25

John: 19
Paul: 4
George: 2

Top 10
John: 7
Paul: 3

But the top 6:

John: 3
Paul: 3

The data speak for themselves.

So that's it, I think. Thanks for exploring this extremely unimportant side of me with me.

Ranking the Beatles my damn self: the final countdown

I just want to thank everyone/anyone who's read this far. I've enjoyed it.

12. A Day in the Life (Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band)

I've seen interpretations of the lyrics as portraying mundane daily life, but I'm unconvinced. They're a little incoherent and meaningless. Just saying why this song isn't in the top 10, which surprised even me. Everything else about it, of course, is perfect, and its groundbreakingnesshoodosity cannot be overstated. One of the most perfectly arranged songs ever.

11. Dear Prudence (The Beatles)

The arrangement is spare in parts, and that makes me want to dock it, but it sets up the end so nicely, especially the fullness the piano adds, I'm going to credit them for doing it intentionally. One of the biggest influences on me as an arranger; it just builds so inspiredly.

10. No Reply (For Sale)

Ah, the top 10. No guilt anymore, right? Wrong. This song is so amazing, I *still* feel guilty. The music creates a tone here like they rarely were able to again -- a precursor to Ticket to Ride, in that way. But I think this song is a little more interesting. Not to mention that it took the spurned lover lyrical bit into new (stalker-y) territory.

9. I Am the Walrus (Magical Mystery Tour)

I again am guilty of valuing historical significance over subjective likingness. Although I surely loved this song the first 100,000 times I listened to it. But I love No Reply even now in the second 100,000. The most experimental of their real songs, no?

8. All You Need Is Love (Magical Mystery Tour)

I've read where John used this melody -- often referred to as the "Three Blind Mice" melody -- repeatedly; we're talking about the "Love, love, love" melody (and progression) here. I don't see it, unless people mean all songs with that descending, Dear Prudence-y progression. I want to give this bonus points for John and the band's coming up with it on such short notice, so it could be broadcast as part of a global special, but they did that all the time, didn't they?

7. Nowhere Man (Rubber Soul)

Just enough points for historical impact to keep it above All You Need Is Love, which is saying something. It's maybe the song I think of first when I think of that era of having instruments panned one way and voices the other. In some ways, John's most candid piece of writing, with the possible exception of his contribution in the top two. And the beautiful backing vocals, and the guitar sound so shiny ...

6. Got to Get You Into My Life (Revolver)

The first appearance of those horns, right? Paul's second-best melody of his career, and a vocal performance to match it. That descending progression again in the "Ooh" part. A tastefully timed appearance by that electric guitar. And the wonderful, wonderful fadeout. It was very hard to rate this below the song above it, maybe the most difficult call of this project.

5. Tomorrow Never Knows (Revolver)

Because the top five, I mean, that has cachet, no? Anyway, this might have made top five even if it were a capella. Then again, so should A Day in the Life, right? But what a wonderful vocal, for which we are also crediting George Martin, especially for the stunning second verse. The instrumental 'break' is so perfectly constructed out of so many different parts that could have been arranged differently (by which I mean less effectively). And that awesome vocal fadeout, which makes it every bit the match of Got to Get You Into My Life.

4. You Never Give Me Your Money (Abbey Road)

By far, the biggest surprise of this project for me is this song's not being number three. I mean, before I sat here and thought about it, I wouldn't even have thought about it, you know? This is kind of Paul's analog to Happiness Is a Warm Gun, but more coherent. And it's got those guitar arpeggios. Not the ones at the end that get reprised at the end of the record, though those are awesome too. I'm talking about the ones that sound like chimes, after "Oh, that magic feeling, nowhere to go." I think it might be my single favorite Beatle 'part.' It seems like I should have a lot more to say about this song; I love it very much. My one reservation is that I don't think it was produced as well as it could have been. Either I disagree with some of the guitar and keyboard sounds they chose, or they could have been mixed better. I don't think they would disagree with me; there are lots of tics and screw-ups, tons on Sgt. Pepper's alone.

3. She Said, She Said (Revolver)

I'm as surprised as you are. Do other people have this in their top three? It's just really really well produced; the tone and sound are consistent. I love the sound, which has a lot to do with the bassline in the verse and the ... is that a tamboura? Nice feel by Ringo on the "And she's making me feel like I've never been born" parts. The progression for the bridge is just inspired, and I still have trouble figuring out the tempo changes. And then there's the fadeout.

2. Strawberry Fields Forever (Magical Mystery Tour)

It must be my love for John's work that made me try so hard to land this in the top spot. I also think it's a better song than the top song, from a songwriting standpoint. And, of course, I love it, so that's a tough combination to best. I think Norwegian Wood ends up winning for best-conceived lyrics, but the message here, which I read as against closedmindedness, and against thinking you're right all the time, or that there even is a definitive conception of anything, including reality, is my favorite, a more eloquent further exploration of what John was saying in Rain. I find the top song to be a lyrical complement to this song, too. The progression here is better than the top song's; John worked harder in writing this. The song builds so wonderfully in its arrangement. And then of course all the work that went into mixing the "Beatle" half and the "orchestra" half, maybe George Martin's biggest achievement. And props to John, too, for expecting the impossible in that regard; he got it.

1. Hey Jude (Past Masters vol. II)

Not that this doesn't have a nice progression. Not that there isn't a lot of good stuff going on in the first half of this, from the pacing to the harmonies. And not that these aren't some unique lyrics for Paul. But let's be candid: This song is all about the anthemic second half. Four chords (three, really; the first is repeated as the fourth), over and over. This song formed me as an arranger; I've been trying to recreate it ever since. And we'll never know if this song could have taken the top spot without that words-can't-describe vocal performance by Paul in this half. I mean, everything he did (everything he did that stayed edited in, anyway) worked. He was in the zone. I never counted, but I read that the four chords are repeated 17 times. Maybe that's how many it takes, although I'm bouyant from the very second Paul's scream takes us into the beginning of that coda. As long as it takes to fade out, has anyone ever wanted it to end?

* * *

Discuss: These 12 songs would make a pretty cool album, am I right?

Ranking the Beatles my damn self: snake eyes!

Ah, I got nothing ...

24. Getting Better (Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band)

Awesome from the opening notes, supposedly produced by striking the strings of a piano, and recorded to sound different by George Martin. Musically, the verse stays on one note (G, if I'm not mistaken) and is never boring. And again, awesome use of tamboura. Brutally frank treatment in the lyrics, this marked a new plateau in honesty and candor as they moved ever farther away from the 'bubble gum' lyrics.

23. Savoy Truffle (The Beatles)

Ah, the saxes. My God, the saxes. Cool progression, too. And the organ sound is supercool. But the saxes ...

22. Sexy Sadie (The Beatles)

This didn't have much in the way of dynamics either, did it? I honestly think John either was kind of lazy by now or was too focused on the song and not bothering about songcraft or production. Possibly both. But the song is perfection, from the opening piano notes to the descending/ascending/descending progression. I love the way John sang it, too; an excellent performance.

21. Polythene Pam (Abbey Road)

I honestly almost raised it over Ticket to Ride just because of the way John says “Great!” toward the end. But Ticket to Ride’s beat put it over the top. The guitar sounds (and mixing) in this are beautiful, though. In some ways, this is Abbey Road in microcosm.

20. Ticket to Ride (Help!)

I really can't believe this isn't in my top 10. Did any Beatle song create a mood as effectively as this song did? Ringo talked about his drumming in Rain as if he were temporarily possessed, but this might be his most inspired beat.

19. Baby's in Black (For Sale)

It hurts, people. It hurts not to have this in the top 10. If this were purely about singability -- if iPods could only make playlists 10 songs long, and I wanted one of Beatle songs just for singing, this wouldn't just be on the list, it might be the first song picked for it. The harmonies are plotted out, almost stately; they don't move around too much, but they're so great.

18. Everybody's Got Something to Hide Except Me and My Monkey (The Beatles)

This kind of could have been ranked almost anywhere; more than a lot of other songs, I really had to keep moving it up and asking "Do I like it more than ..." whatever song I'd temporarily vaulted it above. I don't know that I would have guessed it to be so high at the outset. That would have been fun, actually, guessing at a top 10 or 20, giving myself only two minutes or so to compile it. This song is so in-your-face frenetic, which you can tell because someone keeps screaming in between "Take it easy"s.

17. Mean Mr. Mustard (Abbey Road)

Obviously the medleys create ranking problems. I’m pretending they are full-length songs and giving them credit for what else they might have done in that time, assuming it wouldn’t have been just more of the same, like just a third verse and extra chorus – in other words, I’m dividing awesomeness by time and then extrapolating.

This is my favorite of the three pieces: John's voice is superbad, the tambourine comes in at a nice spot, the Moog sounds great, Paul's harmonies in the second verse are spot-on, and the lyrics are tight, yo.

16. Because (Abbey Road)

I have to fight the urge to penalize this song for having so few parts to it, for some reason. Luckily, the singing and mixing are so genius that even a dink like me is floored. The lyrics are great too, if you don't take them too seriously.

15. Rain (Past Masters vol. II)

No other Beatles song sounds like this one, which isn't true of a lot of others. I love the rhythm guitar sound, and what Paul is doing on bass. I love John's vocal, and the production. And I love the message, maybe more than any other song's.

14. Taxman (Revolver)

Which should just about do it for George. If you don't know, that's Paul playing what as far as I know is his best guitar solo in the band's career. By the way, I wanted to vault each of the last four songs over this, but I just couldn't, because of that iconic bassline. That bassline is as influential as anything.

13. And Your Bird Can Sing (Revolver)

OK, remember how I was saying I shouldn't let alternate versions factor into the countdown too much? Well I'm granting myself an exception. The Anthology take of this, where John and Paul can't do a vocal overdub because they're either too high or tripping, could cheer me up no matter how down I was. As for the album version, it's got the great guitar work, and it's so much fun to try to sing along with John (and Paul, when he shows up). Also, the bridge of this might be the first instance where they used their trademark descending chord progression.

* * *

Join us tomorrow for the wrap-up. I might not surprise you with my favorite, but I'll surprise myself with my third-favorite.

Ranking the Beatles my damn self: Bar-Mitzvah

Today I am a fountain pen:

36. Let It Be (Let It Be)

The song so good, they named the album after it. George's solo on this shaped me as a guitarist. The surreal backing vocals boosted this above You've Got to Hide Your Love Away.

35. I've Just Seen a Face (Help!)

Kind of the precursor to All Together Now, in that it's in the argument for most singable Beatles song. Is it annoying when I say "great harmonies"? Are you like, Yeah, I *know* it has great harmonies, it's the friggin' Beatles?

34. I Don't Want to Spoil the Party (For Sale)

How is this only 34 when I love this song so much? The melody, and where it goes for the third line of the verse ... the awesome harmonies in the bridge ... the way they change up the beat in the bridge ... the intro and outro ... if this were the best song the Beatles had ever done, they might still be my favorite band. You know what? No way this is 34.

34. If I Fell (A Hard Day's Night)

So John is actually singing the harmony in this, right? The high part's the melody? This was the Beatles' first beautiful song, isn't it?

33. Eight Days a Week (For Sale)

I can't rank this song objectively. I've got summer camp dance memory issues; I don't remember who I was dancing with, but I remember the song. And then they put the alternate takes on the Anthology disc, the ones with the different intros they tried, and that couldn't have been more fun to listen to. When I think of their early hits, their breakthrough hits, I think of She Loves You, and I Want to Hold Your Hand, but this is my favorite, hands down.

32. Help! (Help!)

Help! Sorry. So I try not to give too too many context points, but I do admire this song (and rate it accordingly) knowing what a breakthrough it was for John lyrically. I think I read that he was sorry later he made it so catchy, that it obscured what he was saying, but that's the beauty of the Beatles' work. Maybe by now he'd have come around on that stuff.

31. Across the Universe (Let It Be)

Helped by some of the recently released alternate takes, especially the one with the tamboura in it. Took me a while to appreciate this song. Maybe I just needed to grow up. Maybe ... maybe we've all got a little growing up to do.

30. Sun King (Abbey Road)

Think I underrated it. Can't explain how much I love the "Everybody's laughing" part. Have you heard the backwards version on the Love CD? I think that part works even better backwards.

29. Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band (Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band)

The song so good, they ... saw that one coming, didn't you? I became a bigger fan of this track after hearing the Yellow Submarine version, where the guitars are mixed higher up in the chorus.

28. She Came in Through the Bathroom Window (Abbey Road)

See, why did Paul waste time with those other songs when he could write melodies like this? Props to as many Georges as it took to get that guitar sound in the verse.

27. Hey Bulldog (Yellow Submarine)

This is not a luxury; this is a necessity. I can imagine someone thinking this song is just a lark, but it's so joyous (and such a cool riff), the mix is so great, the solo is so great, and the end ... again, I would have overrated a recording of John and Paul pooping in 1969 as long as it sounded like they were having fun doing it.

26. Please Mister Postman (With the Beatles)

It is to my eternal shame that I did not get this into my top 25. I can't look past the fact that the whole song is the same progression, the same four chords over and over again, with no variation. So it's this high for three reasons: the energy, the opening, and maybe the best vocal performance of John's career.

25. I Don't Want to Spoil the Party (For Sale)

There, that looks better, doesn't it?

* * *

Join us tomorrow for this week's long-distance dedication.